please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
