it hurts more in the daytime
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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