He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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