TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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