That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
