I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
