Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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