oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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