Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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