So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
