Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
