All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize