SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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