I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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