Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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