1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dude. I can hear the air.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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