where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
