I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize