Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
