Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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