i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
