I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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