I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
