Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
