her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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