Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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