i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
