I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
