i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
