I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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