Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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