Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
