a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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