please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
