So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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