Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The power of my boobs compel you
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