I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
