I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
