Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
