My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
