3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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