I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
