I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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