Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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