If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
