You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What drink are we having for lunch?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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