we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
nutella sex= disaster
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
