I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
