No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize