This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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