Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
