no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Your dad touched me again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Damn victory sex feels great
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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