I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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