I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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