I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
