god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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