Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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