at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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