My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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