You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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