Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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