I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
