i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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