I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
