i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
