Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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