Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
