i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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