Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
