Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
