There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
soo... how was my night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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