GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
