Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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