This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
