is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
