I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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