I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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