Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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