As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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